Delirium…Wheeeeeeeeee!

by Mel

So I managed to not get any sleep at all last night. None. I do that sometimes. My body has never really been all that normal when it comes to sleeping patterns. Hell, who am I kidding? I have never been close to normal in anything. But, as far as sleep goes, my schedule has always been a bit different than the conventional, with occasional periods of just completely jacked up. (Damn, that is sounding pretty much like my life again.) And since I was awake, I took my daughter to get breakfast from McDonald’s, which has been the object of her desire for quite some time….Which? Really? Ew. But my kids have never really been normal either, so… So, she got her bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, and I got to see the sunrise. And then I was like, “hell, I am up, I have the whole day ahead of me, just think of all of the crap I can get done!”…. Suuuure. I did get some stuff done. Then I crashed, hard core at about 1:00. Hard to get anything done when I am comatose and drooling on myself in my chair. While I was awake all night, I was thinking about things…all kinds of things….my mind just goes…and I was thinking about this blog…and wondering what the hell I was thinking, starting it up again…and what was I going to write about…and who even cared….And then, I woke up from my chair nap to find these amazing responses to my last post. And I was, like, “Hell yes!” And feeling all encouraged and understood and girl power and crap. And I remembered what drew me to blogging…..no, writing…..in the first place. Words have power. Even if I am not a writer, I can throw my thoughts out there, look at them and try to make something of them. And, if I am really lucky, someone else will look at my words and be able to take something from them…..but even better….people take the time to share their words, and stories, and thoughts in return, And to me, that is awesome. Knowing there are other people out there who are questioning, considering, and struggling….because I swear, if I read one more facebook update about how happy and blessed and wonderful everyone’s life is, my head is going to explode, because I really can’t be the only one fumbling through this shit, can I? Come on, tell me I am not. I haven’t slept or showered, and I am probably delirious. Humor me.

Apparently I am one moody, moody person too, because in the three  hours I have been trying to write this (yes, I said three hours. Scratch that about my kids not really needing me oppressively. Holy crap.) I went from all uplifted and joyous to crabby and mad at the world. Not that I am not still all warm and fuzzy about the feedback people have shared….it is there…..just buried under the argh! and the gah! Nothing a shower, some peace and quiet, and the fact that I am getting a new tattoo tomorrow can’t fix. Temporarily anyway.

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