Bad Analogies are the New Black
Since I am not sleeping much at the moment, it has given me lots of time to think. You know what is not good? Thinking too much. In the quiet, sitting like a lifeguard, observing , and waiting to dive in at the first sign of distress….there is not much else to do. I make attempts at being productive, but things are just too damn big right now. This whole thing is too damn big. People tell me all of the time that God gives kids that have unique needs to the people He knows can handle it. I know they mean well, but that is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard. I have never been so in over my head in my life. I am not, in any way, specially qualified for this. I struggle along because I love my son and it is what needs done. It is like being pushed into a pool when you don’t know how to swim. You thrash and kick and hope like hell you don’t drown. Things are bad right now. Really bad. People say, “I don’t know how you do it.” Know what? I don’t either….and in fact? A lot of times, I am not. I want to scream and yell and break things. Curse like a sailor and shake my fists at the sky, in dramatic, Hollywood movie fashion. At some moments, just putting one foot in front of the other is as good as it is going to get.
The paradox in all of this? I was watching a show about an 11 year old boy being diagnosed with Asperger’s. His parents took the news like they were told he had some fatal, incurable disease…and I got angry. Because as difficult as times may be right now…as difficult as they have always been…..it bothers me to see someone view autism that way. Their son was no different by the uttering of those words by the doctor. He had the same struggles and the same strengths. He had the same mind and the same soul. Nothing changed in him. I know now, that the day I got the diagnosis that my son had Asperger’s was an Ah ha! moment. Nothing more. A name for the difficulties and the differences that had always been there. And there are difficulties. I am not going to even try to deny that. But….while climbing the mountain with a heavier pack may make for a more trying journey, it does nothing to spoil the view. In fact, bending under the the weight of the load may allow you a unique perspective that others will never see.
“To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.”
e. e. cummings